Quick look at Garrett Koster, Tyler McVicar and Connor Lewis taking swings at CofC

Opening up conference play, schoolwork in season and “Bachelor: Elon Baseball Edition”.

Patriot’s Point, CofC’s field

With a few weeks of the season under our belts, routines are beginning to mold, personalities are being further revealed and stories are being crystallized.

The routine of a college baseball player reminds me of the commercial about the Energizer Bunny; the person in the routine seemingly never stops going. A large part of this round-the-clock schedule is indebted to the first word in the epithet of Elon baseball players: student-athlete. Scratching off study hall hours, doing class projects and papers, attending class (both physically and mentally) along with defending a Southern Conference championship on the diamond is a daunting task. Well, no one on the team fills the student section of the title better than Fish, who raises our team’s overall GPA like a 4-for-4 day at the plate raises your batting average. I was curious of how Fish could whip out a report card as flawless as his dental record — he is studying to be a dentist — so I asked him tonight during practice. He told me that during the season he has to practice diligence as much as he does his new sidearm pitching delivery, and sacrifice any hint of lifestyle carried on by the average college student. His tweet just shy of 6 a.m. this morning gave his statements validity: “It’s 5:58 a.m., I’m just leaving the library (Club Belk). And the birds are chirping.” Another Phoenix who has had no problem transitioning, both academically and athletically, to the rigors of being a student-athlete at Elon is Spencer, who was an the academic honor roll last semester and who has been impressive thus far in his first season at Elon.

Although academics are heavy on our minds this time of the year, the baseball field offers us an oasis, which only furthers our love of being on the field. Tonight marked the eve of our first conference game of the season.

Spencer, Nate, and Nelly- top draft picks in Elon’s baseball bachelor edition

Tomorrow we play the College of Charleston Cougars, the preseason pick for the Southern Conference championship, at their place. While we were practicing tonight at Patriot’s Point, their field, I ran out to center field to find our newly acquainted Spencer talking with Nate. Little did I know that I was walking into what might as well have been called “Bachelor: Elon Baseball Edition.” Details closed to the general public, if you are a single Christian girl, it would behoove you to come support the Elon Phoenix baseball team.

Along with the fine pair of pitching bachelors are two other guys on the team who are making their presence known in the locker room and greyhound bus this spring: Stokes and Paone. Both of them redshirted last year — Stokes with the quintessential baseball injury (a torn UCL) and Paone as a budding freshman. The fresh new tendon in Stokes’ throwing arm, and his 6-foot-7 stature have been making MLB scouts drool and flock to the park when he’s toeing the rubber. Stokes’ scout attraction is the level of attraction hoped for by Nate and Spencer of those eligible viewers of “Bachelor: Elon Baseball Edition.” Stokes said that being back on the field playing this season is definitely “the most fun time of my life.” Paone’s comments on his first season on the field were synonymous with Stokes: “It’s so much fun, being with the guys all the time, seeing new places, baseball season is incredible.” It’s an incredible oasis where we get the privilege of bearing the second word in the title student-athlete.

Paone and Grant

As mentioned earlier, we’re in Charleston, or “Chucktown” as ex-Phoenix and current Charleston Southern pitcher Ryan Gunther would say, opening conference play. CofC Cougars are debatably our biggest rivals and so this weekend is one to spotlight on. I’ll never forget the emotions expressed last year when we came from behind and won the Saturday victory against them to clinch the series, we demonstrated our excitement by dog piling Harry Austin just past first base at Latham Park. It was the first of two times dog piling last year, the quest for another dog pile come June starts tomorrow at 6 p.m.

— Also, I was asked by a friend who plays for Furman a couple weeks ago to partner with him in a season’s preview of top hitters and pitchers in the SoCon. He did the hitters and I did the pitchers. Yesterday it was published in College Baseball Daily. If interested, check it out HERE! No. 1 on my pitching list was our very own Kyle Webb.

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First road trip, the battle of the birds

Fish raises our team GPA every semester. His studying habits are as flawless as his dental records.

Fish studying Organic Chemistry, Luce mixing together songs on iTunes and Coach Buck yelling “Let’s watch Rocky!” — these are the ingredients to an Elon Phoenix bus ride. It is impossible to talk at length about college baseball without talking about road trips. Whether the reminiscing is about the countless times that Coach Kennedy has opted for the Phoenix to go to Wendy’s after a late-night road game, or the time our bus got stuck on a hill at Wofford my freshman year and we all had to push the bus, or the marathon 16-bus ride to USF last season, stories are sure to arise.

Well, today we took the first road trip of 2012, a few-hour trek through the Carolinas to the capital of the Palmetto State to take on the back-to-back defending national champions, the University of South Carolina Gamecocks, for a three-game set. On the ride, we watched “300,” and thereby qualified our bus as the most hormone packed vehicle on the highway (bless our trainer, Jodi’s heart).

At about 7 o’clock tonight, we rolled up to the coliseum of college baseball stadiums, Carolina Stadium, to hit batting practice. There was a juvenile excitement coming from our team as we walked off the bus into what seemed to be a sanctuary. There is something about clear nights this time of the year over baseball fields that just quicken our step, quiet our minds and focus our dreams. By the time we walked from the left field gate to the third base dugout, our whole team was ready to lace up and play USC.

After McVic, Garrett, Kinsella, Connor and Elefante put souvenir after souvenir in the bleachers beyond the fences we did something that hasn’t been done at Elon in two years. We put the tarp on the field. Yes, the visiting team

Walking into Carolina Stadium

put the tarp on the home team’s field for them as the forecast for tomorrow calls for some early showers. While we were putting the tarp on the field, I couldn’t help but think about my freshman year before we had a turf infield, when we had to wake up one day at 6 a.m. and put the tarp on the field. So, to those responsible for Latham Park now having a turf infield, thank you for the extra hours of sleep.

We loaded back on the bus and headed over to the hotel to shower and check in before going to eat. We are usually dropped off at a location where there are many different restaurants so we can take our meal money, another highlight of road trips, and go wherever we want in the slotted time. Tonight, some guys went to McCallister’s, where Webb and Dylan found out that Coach Mac’s last name is actually McCallister, some went to Five Guys, and then Swim, Serra and I went to a Chinese buffet where we learned that you don’t eat the tail of the shrimp, or the shell of the clam, or chop sticks with rice.

Back in the hotel room, I quickly learned that my roommate, Elefante, is clinically obsessed with the TV show “Prison Break.” He can’t explain to me why breaking one guy out of prison can fill up four full seasons of viewing, but as far as I’m concerned, whatever draws his attention away from P90x infomercials and “Word with Friends” is fine by me.

Although all of us are beyond excited for this weekend, Connor has probably been looking forward to this weekend longer than any of us. Connor, a Columbia, S.C., native, lives about five minutes from the stadium and grew up cheering for the Gamecocks. Having played in Carolina Stadium many times before for travel ball and other games, Connor has never played against the Gamecocks, his family’s team, so this weekend marks a special weekend for him. Hopefully completely healed from a knee injury that has kept Connor out of the lineup thus far, we’re hoping that he will make his Division I debut a brilliant one, making the Columbia natives proud.

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Elon Phoenix getting ready before Saturday’s games against George Mason

Childlike excitement expressed by the Phoenix for Opening weekend

How can you not get romantic about baseball? – Moneyball

If young kids were to have Twitter accounts, and you were to read their Tweets leading up to Christmas morning, they would sound eerily similar to the Tweets of an Elon Phoenix baseball player leading up to the arrival of Opening Day. The Phoenix baseball players’ calendars show February 17 being highlighted, starred and circled. Whether you are a senior or a freshman, the butterflies fluttering in your stomach on Opening Day are inevitable. Quinn, who earned his first start as a collegiate baseball player today, posted his Facebook status thursday night as, “first college game tomorrow!!! time to put all the hard work onto the field!! Chances of sleep tonight= .05%”. Then Bird, who absolutely slammed the door for the save on George Mason in today’s second win of a doubleheader, Tweeted the same night: “Funny seein all freshman tweet about their first game… Truth is you never lose that feeling #LiveForThis #GameDay”

From both ends of the collegiate spectrum, those two summarized the unanimous ambiance flowing around our team the past few days.

So, for the teachers who may not have had the full attention of the Phoenix in class on Friday morning, we apologize, we were drooling with excitement about putting on the new uniforms, hearing our walk-out songs, and playing the game we’ve loved all our lives.

Friday’s 7-1 victory against Akron was filled with regularities from veterans like Webb and Gomi, who both put together jaw-dropping performances that Phoenix fans should be accustomed to. Webb, through seven innings of two-hit baseball, flirted with a “no-no” before being taken out. For those who don’t know, Webb threw a one-hitter in his junior year of high school during the state championship game to give his team the victory. Hitters get depressed facing Webb. Gomi gave truth to the expression “big things come in small packages,” hitting a grand slam and a double for a combined five RBIs on the day.  Accompanying those two were the newcomers on the field, such as Elefante, Casey and Tomko, who all got their first collegiate at-bats, and Nelli with his first appearance. Tomko had me holding my breath with his deep fly ball to dead center field, I thought he may have broken the ice to college baseball going “ya ya” (home run). We’ll get him some more time with Coach Mac and then watch those balls fly.

In a quick turnaround from last night, we played a doubleheader starting with us getting to the field at 7:45 a.m. and game time at 10 a.m. Nothing says an early morning at Elon better than Biscuitville, so for those brilliant teammates of mine who filled their bodies with that fine establishment’s deliciousness, you are wise.

In the first game today, we got to see the recurring event of Dylan making good college hitters lose confidence in their abilities as he zipped through seven innings, allowing just one run. For those hitters who have to face Webb on Friday night and then Dylan on Saturday, I am sorry. As the top of the eighth inning rolled around, we heard “Cold As Ice” by Foreigner over the loudspeakers. McDoogie was on the mound. McDoogie, oftentimes given the nickname of the “silent assassin,” didn’t choose a walk-out song for himself this year so the older players chose one for him. Fitting to the song’s lyrics, Doogie makes hitters go “cold as ice” and in his Division I college debut, he did what we will see him do many times in a Phoenix uniform, “close the door.” Also in the game, McVicar got his first collegiate hit, a ripped single to right-center field that led the team to start yelling out “Charger” (pronounced “Ch-aaaa-jaaa” in a Boston accent, a reference to McVic’s car and hometown).

The second game of the “double dipper” today was dramatic. In the eighth inning, with two outs, we were losing 3-0 when sparks started to fly and the beauty of baseball was put on display. Baseball is like jazz music, you never know when it’s going to end. That’s why it’s beautiful. The rally included Garrett, Luce, Brez, the twins and myself. We went into the top of the ninth inning winning, 4-3 with Bird on the mound. Bird made his closing role debut and was electric, striking out two in three batters faced to end the game. In that game, Nate got his first Division I win after scoring two scoreless innings of relief. I would also like to give Nate’s walk-out song a bias shout out. It’s called “Beyond Belief” by Lecrae, lend it your ear.

After three games so far in the season, we’ve learned a few things that you can’t find in the box score: Whitehead’s curveball makes batters look like they are trying to do the wave with their bodies, Pennell’s hair flow under his hat is big league-esque, and Serra’s Spanish walk-out song makes people at the game think they are on the set of “Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights.”

Come on out and support the Phoenix!

The Phoenix walk-out songs and Twitter presence

Swim and Gomi were picked this week as pre-season 2nd Team-All Conference. (Photo Courtesy: Elonphoenix.com)

Besides getting your swing tuned up or having your pitching delivery in game-ready form, one of the preseason necessities is deciding your “walk-out song.” Every player gets to choose a song to be his background music as he either toes the rubber or steps into the batter’s box. The hitters have a time slot of about 8-10 seconds for a song, while pitchers have about a minute and half. The walk-out song is critical for any college baseball player. Besides having unique mannerisms, haircuts, or superstitious pre-game rituals, the walk-out song is another way to give us a personality outside of just a uniform on the field.

If you were to be walking up to the Lathe (our ballpark) and hear The Outfield playing “Your Love” you would be easily able to identify an opposing pitcher’s anxiety as they realize they have to pitch to Swim. And if you heard “Bad Company” by 5 Finger Death Punch playing on a Friday night, you would know that Webb was about to put together another one of his “Webb Gems.” The walk-out song follows you all season and so determining it is pivotal.

It’s always fun to see the walk-out songs that describe the player’s personality, or the songs that give tributes to hometowns, or those that describe the player’s style of play. Senior pitcher from last year Greg Amorosso had “A Land Down Under” by Men at Work, fitting for his submarine style of pitching. Senior shortstop Neal Pritchard walked out to “Easily I Approach” by Shawty Lo that appropriately fit the four-year starting, First-Team All Southern Conference homegrown standout — the lyrics began “I’m the man ’round here, capiche.” His career accolades justify the lyrics. Freshman All-American Sebastian Gomez “Gomi” gave a proud tribute to his hometown Miami by walking out to “Miami” by Will Smith.

On a more goofy tune was Coach Buck’s all-time favorite player Matt Kirchner, who walked out to “Brass Monkey” by The Beastie Boys, which illustrated his personality excellently. And then there was John Brebbia, the 2011 Southern Conference Pitcher of the Year, who threw back the calendar to 2003 and warmed up to “Ignition” by R. Kelly. Brebbia’s 1.76 ERA out of the bullpen proved true the song’s lyrics about him: “Hot and fresh out the kitchen.”

With five days until Opening Day, the Phoenix players are spending time on iTunes electing which songs they want to travel with them this spring.

Brez is among the many Phoenix represented on Twitter

Another way that the Phoenix players garner distinct personalities beyond the uniform is through their “Twitter game.” In the world of Digital 2.0, we can be our own PR agents, and the Phoenix players and coaches know that very well. Each player has a different style of Twitter game, whether it be Grant (McCoury) letting the world know the top song lyrics, Luce inspiring, Stokes telling about his unmatched amount of Cookout runs, or Gomi tweeting about…anything. You are sure to see various shades of the Phoenix Maroon and Gold on Twitter.

While talking to some of the guys on the team, Hailer stood out among the crowd with the opinionated “best Twitter

Hailer’s Twitter profile

presence.” So to let you all in on some of his Twitter pearls, he was been kind enough to send me his “top Tweets” list. Here are are a few:

1. Teacher says, “anyone know what George Washingtons teeth are made out of?” Naturally i said wool (Big Daddy Reference) #nobigdaddyfans#epicjokefail

2. #Factoftheday: There are 60,000 hairs per inch on the back of a cat, There are more then 60,000 hairs on the back of @Rkinsella22’s neck

or my personal favorite…

3. S/o to the jacked guy struggling to squat 225, excuse me while I rep out 405 in your face #completelyjoking but really dude #mixinasquat

Whether it be to get a good joke by following McGeorge or a Bible verse by following Nate, you are sure to get to know the Phoenix beyond the uniform by following us on Twitter throughout the season. Be sure to give the team’s Twitter a follow at @ElonBaseball.

Still playing for fans, no longer as a Phoenix

Jimmy Reyes putting together a seventh-round selection worthy season for the Phoenix in 2010

I remember those times back in grade school when I would put my hat on backwards, flip to the left side of the plate and try to replicate the sweet swing of Ken Griffey Jr. Or, in my brief stint as a 12-year-old pitcher try to copy the chaotic windup of “D-Train” (Dontrelle Willis). It was an absolute catastrophe on the latter, hence the reason I play outfield. Well, I believe all of us college baseball players used to make a fool of ourselves in the mirror trying to copy the big leaguers. We all have that childhood dream of one day playing in front of thousands with a big league logo sewn on our chest.

One of the coolest things in being a Phoenix baseball player is watching my teammates get closer and closer to reaching that goal. Luckily, we have many en route. I find myself frequently visiting MiLB.com to keep up with my old teammates in the spring and then I see them in the fall as they stagger back to Elon, off the 100+ game grind wearing their professional team’s clothing.

This fall we had three guys who trained at Elon, daily dressed in their professional team’s clothing: Jimmy Reyes, Neal Pritchard and Mitch Conner.

Mitch Conner pitching for the Brevard County Manatees this past season

Jimmy left my freshman year in the seventh round to the Rangers. Mitch and Neal left last year to the Brewers and Cardinals in the 36th round and by free agency, respectively. All of these guys left indelible marks in the Phoenix uniform, some for more ways than one.

Every day we would see the three of them either in the weight room getting chiseled up by Coach Mac’s “BodyByMac” program or on the field swinging wooden bats and throwing the “Minor League” baseball around. Yes, there is a difference in the seams of the baseball and if you take one of Jimmy or Mitch’s baseballs, you’re doomed. The trio would offer up advice to the Phoenix players throughout the fall, baseball wisdom plucked from the field of professional play.

Jimmy is from Miami and wants everyone to know that the “U” football team will rise again, debatable to say the least. Also, Jimmy is like Dylan in the fact that he is very aware of current events. If you ever want to talk to him about politics, sports, or how to make college hitters look stupid, Jimmy’s your guy. My favorite moment playing Jimmy was my freshman year in conference tournament against Samford. I got to watch from left field as he cashed in one of the most impressive performances I’ve ever seen: nine shutout innings and a victory.

Mitch, the “Con-air,” grew up in Charlotte and Sarasota, Fla., and developed a knee-buckling curveball somewhere in between. We’ll miss him closing out the 11 one-run victories that we had last year en route to the championship. Mitch likes to have fun and he deprives hitters of that fun in their feeble attempt to hit off him in the late innings. My favorite memories playing with Mitch were all the times that I got to watch in right field on the verge of insanity as he “shut the door” on the SoCon.

Neal, or “Pritch,” is one of the most laid-back guys I’ve ever met, with an appealing simplistic view on most things. He’s also one of the smoothest fielding shortstops I’ve ever played with and I know that we will miss him manning down the position at the ‘Lath this year.

Pritch paired himself with the word “clutch” after his late-inning heroics against Wofford last year on a Friday night. He hit a game-tying home run in the bottom of the ninth and a walk-off the same game in the 11th inning. Pritch epitomizes the phrase “cool, calm, collective.”

Pritch honing down shortstop for the Phoenix

With them heading on to spring training in the coming weeks, I speak for the Phoenix when I say that their minor league statistics pages will be receiving quite a few visits from us college players hoping to one day be where they are.

Team practice and Skid’s over ‘Fake Break’

E-Money-Sweetcheeks (Hailer) with Glenda at Skid’s

This week, the Elon Phoenix baseball team is to Skid’s restaurant as Popeye is to spinach. Skid’s is located at the corner of the main campus of Elon University and if you were to go there any day this week, for any meal, you would see us there trying to “fill out our game pants,” as Coach Mac says, by putting “more calories in the system (our bodies) than calories out.”

We are in the midst of what we call “Fake Break,” the week after our winter semester and right before our spring semester, and all the on-campus dining halls are closed. So we eat at Skid’s. I think that all would agree that besides, the delicious Greek Gyro and Grilled Chicken Plate, Skid’s finest attraction is Glenda. She is an older Southern waitress who is sweet and unique in every way. I would highly recommend you visiting Skid’s just to meet the hilariously rambunctious legend known as Glenda. While on my recruiting visit to Elon my senior year of high school, I went to Skid’s with Phoenix alum and current Texas Rangers pitcher Jimmy Reyes, and Glenda kissed me on the cheek the moment I walked in the restaurant. Her amusement has only increased over the years, and watching her and Coach Buck go at it in their Southern twang is worth the price of admission.

As I’ve mentioned earlier, Buck is trip.

The “fungo” bat victimized by Buck’s “Blunt Force Trauma”

Today was our first day of full team practice, and at the end of practice the outfielders were taking pop-flys from Buck when all of a sudden Buck’s “fungo” bat snapped in half. That was the first time I’ve ever seen a coach break a “fungo” clean in half from hitting routine pop-flys. I guess Buck has been attending his own “school of hitting.” A few of us couldn’t help but yell at Buck, “BLUNT FORCE TRAUMA!” in reference to his own hitting philosophy. I got Buck to sign the broken fungo bat for me. He wants me to tell everyone it will soon be worth millions.

As I mentioned earlier, today was the first day of full team practice and because there was no school to worry about, we spent pretty much the whole day at the field. Some players were there from 10 a.m.- 6 p.m. with a lunch break in between. But, if you hear anyone complaining about being out there for so long, it’s hogwash; we’re getting to play baseball.

With the season coming around the bend, we’re starting to see some more of the team’s personalities on display, specifically in terms of hair follicles (or lack thereof). McGeorge showed up to weights the day before last with a shaved head and his Amish/Brian Wilson/Elon Fighting Christian beard barbered up for optimum performance. Bird went with his token mohawk (one that sparked the widespread mohawk movement on our team last year during our SoCon championship run), and then there’s Kinsella and his hair potential.

McGeorge getting the throwing arm in mint condition

Kinsella reminds me a lot of Esau from the book of Genesis in the Bible. “Esau” literally means “hairy” in Hebrew. He has the rare ability to grow a full beard in what seems like two hours. I think that deep down, a lot of us are extremely jealous at his ability to dominate “Mustache March,” “No-Shave November,” and “Fu Manchu February.” With that, Kinsella and his Rapunzel-esque hair follicles are getting everyone prepared for what he calls “the most epic ‘stache in the SoCon.”

While talking to some of the guys on the team about this blog post, Kinsella highly advocated writing about the enjoyment he gets from sorority recruitment week. Yes, it is recruitment week at Elon, and in years past we have been privileged to hear girls yell their Greek allegiances at high pitched voices while driving by our field, quite often. Kinsella loves this occurrence more than most.

On a more serious note, while in a team meeting yesterday Coach Kennedy delivered one of his most motivational speeches since I’ve been here, which got everybody fired up for team practice today. While in the meeting, Bird and Garrett were nominated to join Dylan and myself as team captains. In hopes of bragging on those three, if our team follows their lead in performance this year, we will be dog-piling again come June.

Hanging out in the locker room right before the team meeting yesterday

Phoenix show various shades of season excitement

Quinn and Elefante right before conditioning. (Photo by Garrett Koster)

Remember back in the Santa-believing era of our childhood, when counting down the days until Jolly Ole Saint Nick would drop down the chimney on December 25 was an annual affair? Well, if you want to see the excitement accompanied with that affair resurrected in college-aged men, go to a baseball locker room this time of the year. Countdown: there are exactly four weeks until our first game.

Like our variety in fashion style, the Phoenix locker room offers a wide variety of attitudes building up to the season, all of which are shades of excitement. I’ll never forget the shade of excitement I had on my first college game day, I’m unashamed to say that I ran up the water bill going to the bathroom that day, as a result of all the butterflies I had. Everyone seemed to take full advantage of my excitement by pulling a timely prank, which I’ll leave unstated for now, in hopes of maybe reviving it this opening day.

I couldn’t help but chuckle talking to some of the freshman outfielders about their thoughts going into their first college baseball season. “I can’t wait, I’m jacked up for the season, but I have no idea what to expect,” the twins (Blain and Quinn) said in perfect harmony, “like, when do we eat? what time do we get to the field? what’s it going to be like playing against big SEC and ACC schools? I’m just clueless.” And then there was Bruno, who was really afraid of leaving his cleats at Elon while on a road trip.

Leaving your equipment back at the ‘Lon on a road trip is a perpetual fear. My freshman year I forgot my pants when we went to Clemson and I had to wear some pants four sizes too large (I looked like a wannabe rapper). The past two years my road trip room

Bankhead, the twins, Swim, and Elefante before conditioning (Photo by Garrett)

mate has been Swim. There was a stretch last year where he forgot an article of our uniform four weeks in a row (So, Bruno, you’re not alone, we’ve all been there).

In comparison to the excited curiosity of Bruno and the twins is the excitement from the veteran players who know “when to eat, when to get to the field, and what it’s like to play against SEC and ACC schools.” Brez, Swim, and Garret we’re talking all about it today. “I can’t wait for meal money, nothing beats free food” Brez said (whenever we play road games we get “meal money” to eat). “I can’t wait to just get back on the field and play games,” Garrett said “it’s the time of the year to focus fully baseball. That’s awesome.” Swim mellowed out the freshmen’s excitement, displaying a “cool, calm, and collective” approach to the season, one that is as cool as the backside of the pillow.

Learning more about the team: If you have never been around baseball players, you will learn quickly that we are the most superstitious humans. I found out today that Blaine

Javier Hernandez doing Blaine’s pre-game ritual.

fits that stereotype like a glove. He likes to imitate the famous soccer player for Manchester United, Javier Hernandez, before each game, dropping to his knees and rubbing his thumbs together. As far as I’m concerned, if he keeps getting on base and running as fast as he does, he can do ballet in the outfield before the game and I’ll be fine with it.

I’ll end this post by telling a little story from practice today that should be amusing for you, at my expense. While, we were taking fly balls in the outfield, I moved from CF to RF and got a bad “read” on one of the fly balls directly over my head. I turned and ran at full speed and immediately looked up to see the laces of the ball…in my eye: black eye. A little less chivalrous battle wound than fighting Kimbo Slice, but all in all, it’s worth a chuckle or two.